Tuesday, June 30th. The day I let my baby cry himself to sleep. First 20 minutes were really bad, then it got slowly better. By 30 minutes he was done crying, though we could hear him sucking on his hands. He seems to be asleep now, but I haven't been willing to look in and check.

I hope we don't have to do that again...

Last Monday, since M ate only 3 oz at day care and was generally crying and unhappy. So I made an appointment to see the pediatrician on Tuesday. Maybe acid reflux, maybe something... Wouldn't you know it, he was *fine* on Tuesday. Generally cheerful, not spitting up, no real complaints. So of course the doctor couldn't really do anything or give us any medicine, since there wasn't anything wrong. And I got to feel like I was being a paranoid mom.

He was good for most of the rest of the week, but then got fussy/screamy again over the weekend. Saturday night, he woke up every 2 hours! That was pretty bad.

But last night was better again, 3-4 hours between wake-ups.

I'm beginning to suspect that the problem is actually that I've been feeding him too much/often. Recently he's been rooting pretty much all the time. He brings things close to his face and his head does the back and forth rooting thing, and he sucks like crazy (especially on my arm while I'm changing him). This always used to mean he was hungry, so whenever I saw this, I'd feed him. But now he's been doing it even right after I've fed him. So I thought maybe he wasn't getting enough, and kept feeding him, sometimes every hour. But then he'd spit it all up, and be unhappy, etc.

So yesterday and today, I've stopped feeding him more often than every 2 hours or so. It seems to be working. He's still rooting, but not fussing or complaining really. And a lot less spit up.

I thought you couldn't really over-feed a baby, that they just wouldn't eat when they weren't hungry. But it seems that's not always true.

I dreamt that I was in an old friend's old house, which had been abandoned. I walked up the stairs carrying Makoto, and was surprised to find a woman there. A mystic, supposedly, to watch over the bad spirits who were supposedly haunting the room. I thought she had just found a clever way to get paid for sitting around and doing nothing.

As I was talking to her, a chair I was going to sit on fell down the stairs. I went down to get it, but it was gone, and I wondered about the bad spirits. But then there was a bright light behind me and the mystic gasped. It was an angel. I stood there, hunched over, holding Makoto, and the angel touched my back. I could feel the warmth. I knew then that I was being given super magical powers (above the magical powers I already had). They would last up to three weeks and couldn't be used more than 10 times a day. I had already used them 3 times that day.


Later in the dream, my entire team at work went out for a special lunch in a blintz restaurant. It was on the 9th basement level of a building. At first it felt claustrophobic, but then I remembered my magic powers and I knew I could get us out if anything went bad. The restaurant was closed, but we'd made a reservation and they had everything out waiting for us. The blintzes looked delicious.

For the last week and a half or so, Makoto has been very different from how he was before. He cries a lot. When he takes a nap, he wakes up and cries. Sometimes if I try to feed him, he cries. Other times, he eats just fine. Sometimes he'll be fine and happy, then start crying out of nowhere. That, combined with him not sleeping for more than 3 hours at a go is making it a very difficult time.

And the thing is, I'm not sure if something's wrong or if this is just normal. Is he still sick? Is he having gas? Is something larger wrong? I don't think so, but who knows?
Or is this just what babies do? they go from being easy to hard almost overnight...

I liked it much better when I thought he was teething. At least then there was a reason...

On May 19th, I said:
Smiley, happy baby that sleeps well? Could I possibly be this lucky?

Nope.

Haven't had an even semi-decent night's sleep pretty much since then.
I feel teased.

Yeah, so he's not teething.

After a night where he woke up every 3 hours and was once again fussy and grumpy during the day, I decided to take him to the pediatrician. She checked him out and there's nothing obviously wrong. Her diagnosis was a viral infection. Generally he's eating, peeing and pooping just fine, and he's not lethargic, so we'll just let it run its course. If it's still a problem for a while there may be blood tests, but I think we'll be good.

She looked in his mouth and it turns out what I thought were teeth were actually gums, though they look tooth-shaped.

It's all a learning experience...

His face gets all puffy now when he cries, his eyes get red, and he does the kind of hiccuping cough you do when you're stopping crying. I'm pretty sure he didn't used to do any of that before.

Come on teeth! If you're gonna be early, you might as well be fast too!!

I love it that he smiles in his sleep. I wonder what he dreams about, and I'm glad that his life is happy enough that his dreams are happy too.

Between gaining weight and growing as quickly as he has been, and getting teeth so soon, I want to say to him, "Relax, there's no rush. No need to grow up quite so fast. We'll get there eventually either way, so let's take the time to enjoy this."

I'm looking forward to seeing all the things he will be able to do. And I'm excited to watch him grow up. But there's no rush...

( talkin about my boy again )

Makoto's 100-day party is this weekend, and he'll be 100 days old on Tuesday.

( lots of stuff about the little guy )

Makoto can get his hands to his mouth pretty consistently these days, which leads to a lot of interesting faces as he tries to stuff both hands into his mouth at once.

Tomorrow is his first day of day care. *sigh*

mokey4 pointed out this article and it reminded me of something I've been meaning to post about.

Before Makoto was born, when I was reading about breastfeeding, several websites and books said you shouldn't even take home the formula samples you get at the hospital. My doula recommended the same thing. They all said that you don't even want to be tempted to offer your baby formula. That it's too easy at 3 am to just give formula instead of breastfeeding, and so you should make sure not to have any formula in the house.

Huh? How is taking the time to mix a bottle and warm it up while your baby is screaming like crazy easier? With breastfeeding, the milk is always nearby, always available, and always the right temperature. Granted, it was pretty painful at first, but even then it never seemed like a better idea to go for formula. At least putting the boob in his mouth kept him quiet.

Mind you, I know several women who can't breastfeed for various reasons, and formula is a wonderful thing. I'm not disparaging formula at all. But I'm so confused by people who say that it's more convenient than breastfeeding. I mean heck, I pump milk and keep it in bottles in the fridge so that Satoshi can feed Makoto sometimes too, but we end up having to throw a lot of that milk out because it just ends up being so much easier and faster for me to breastfeed him.

What am I missing here? What is the temptation for formula if you don't have to use it?

This is my last week all with Makoto. I'm starting work again the week after next, and M is starting day care next week so we can get used to day care. He'll do just fine, I'm sure. It's me I'm worried about. I don't think I'll leave him there full time next week, maybe half. We'll see.

Part of me is actually looking forward to having a little bit of time on my own, just to be me and not "mom" for a bit. To maybe take a nap without worrying about when he'll wake up, and maybe go out and get a badly-needed massage.

But mostly I'm not looking forward to it at all. He just keeps getting more and more adorable and more and more lovable. And I am going to keep myself away from that for several hours a day. It's devastating.

In my ideal world, I'd be a stay-at-home mom, at least for a few years, but have someone to come and take care of him for a few hours a week so I could retain my sanity.

What is it about humans that makes us resist going to sleep? I do it all the time- I'm tired, I know I'm tired, oh but let me look up this one thing first. Or write this one email. Or finish a few more pages of this book.

At 2.5 months old, my son resists sleep too. He gets cranky, he starts crying, but he does not go to sleep. Not unless we wrap him, jiggle him, rock him, etc. Once asleep, he usually sleeps pretty well- soundly and for a decently long time. But he needs to be cajoled into it.

And of course, he and I are far from unique. Everyone knows that kids get over-tired and rarely want to go to sleep. Most adults I know stay up far later than they should.

But why do we do it? If it's so intrinsic in us that a 2-month-old does it, then there's something to it. And at the same time, I can't imagine any animal having this problem. Lions don't sing their cubs to sleep. Do any animals need to work to get their babies to sleep?

Is this just a modern thing, like colic, and due to our lifestyle? Or is it something about being human?

Makoto laughed for the first time today. It was kind of a smile with a "ha" attached to it, but he did it several times. So cute!

Today so far I've managed to:
- sleep till 8:30 am (with just one interruption during the night)
- feed Makoto
- play with him
- eat breakfast
- feed him again
- give him a bath
- feed him again
- cut his fingernails
- take a shower
- wash the dishes
- eat lunch

It all sounds so prosaic and simple, but really this is a very accomplished day, esp since it's only 12:30

Yesterday I went to the funeral of my friends' five-month-old son, Logan. He had a mitochondrial disease called Leigh's syndrome and passed away on Tuesday. When I found out he'd died, I just held Makoto all day.

The coffin was so tiny I couldn't stand it.

His mother was keeping a blog about him, and now that he's passed on, she's changed it to writing letters to him in heaven. It makes me cry so much, but it's beautiful

only read if you want to...
http://aidanandlogan.blogspot.com/

Makoto is a little more than 2 months old (9.5 weeks). We went for his 2-month check-up today and he's up to 13 lbs, 10 oz and 24 inches long. Goodness! When he was born, he was in the 40-something percentile. Now he's over 75th. No wonder we had to adjust his car seat straps (again) over the weekend.
I asked the doctor if he was gaining too much weight, ie if he was fat, but she said that no, since his height is growing at the same rate- also in the 75th percentile. So it's all proportionate. But seriously, I'm racing to make sure he wears each of his outfits at least once before he grows out of them, and I'm not completely winning. He fits into 6-month clothes now, and I can see that they'll be small on him in 2 weeks.

Before I got pregnant and had a kid, I didn't know...
( Read more... )

My Moby wrap finally arrived. It's so much better than the Maya sling. Easier to move around, both hands are free, and it doesn't hurt my shoulders. Happy happy happy. I can type!